The Gospel & “Non-traumatic” Self-awareness

One of the signs that you may not grasp the unique, radical nature of the gospel is that you are certain that you do. –Timothy Keller

In my last post, “Self-Absorbed, but Not Self-Aware,” I listed 5 ways to become self-aware and fleshed out one of them: awareness of our emotions.

Now, I will explore how the gospel of Christ enables you to experience “non-traumatic” self-awareness and to be gradually delivered from self-absorption.

That’s because the gospel unpacks the accomplishments of Christ’s work on your behalf, one of which is that you can be “justified by faith apart from works.”

If this gospel is operating at the core of your being, you have no need for self-justification, self-righteousness, or self-protection from the critical judgment of others, or your own harsh self-appraisal.

By “gospel,” I’m not referring primarily to how to get to heaven. Yes, the gospel does promise eternal life to all who trust in Christ’s work on the cross. I thank God for that! But the gospel also enables you to live now free from proving yourself through your accomplishments or hiding yourself because of a lack of them.

The gospel, when it’s operating in your heart, enables you to look at your deep flaws without defensiveness or despair.

One of the main reasons for a lack of self-awareness is that our identity is not deeply rooted in God’s grace. Instead, our sense of worth is in our career, material success, people’s approval, and even in our ministry for God.

Since my purpose here is not to detail the theology of the gospel of grace, I will refer you to the writings of Timothy Keller and cite a couple of samples.

The link below is to his paper, “The Centrality of Gospel”:

https://redeemercitytocity.com/articles-stories/the-centrality-of-the-gospel

Here’s a brief quote from Keller’s book Prodigal God:

The gospel is therefore not just the ABC’s of the Christian life, but the A-Z of the Christian life. Our problems arise largely because we don’t continually return to the gospel to work it in and live it out.

Faith in the gospel restructures our motivations, our self-understanding, our identity, and our view of the world. Behavioral compliance to rules without heart change will be superficial and fleeting. (Keller, Prodigal God, 119)

In another of his books, Keller tells the story of a pastor who crashed and burned because the gospel was only operating intellectually as information for him:

While he preached what we could call orthodox Christian sermons, deep in his heart, he was defeated. With his mouth, he said, “We are saved by Jesus and by grace.” But his heart was operating on a very different narrative: “Here’s how I’m going to be sure I’m a good and worthy person. I’m going to be a minister. There’s nothing better than that. A minister! Telling people about the truth. Helping suffering people. In other words, while his head said that Jesus was his Savior he was seeking to be his own savior. (Keller, Encounters with Jesus, 119, 120)

As a result, when this pastor’s ministry was going well, he slowly but surely became smug and self-righteous. His preaching became angrier. He became more overbearing and critical in his interactions with people. This, of course, led to conflicts, and several people left the church. As the ministry went poorly, the pastor couldn’t take it. It wasn’t just a loss of the people—it was a loss of his identity. He began to numb the pain with alcohol.

Keller’s story reminds me of some of my experiences in ministry. I preached and preached from the best books on the gospel for over twenty years, but failed in ministry because I didn’t let the gospel into my secret heart. I withheld the truth. I was driven to become successful and admired, to overcome a deep insecurity. So, I had to fail to become aware of myself and how little I relied on the gospel of grace in my life and work.

Ways to Get the Gospel into Your Heart

Read and re-read passages from scripture on the gospel.

It’s not a matter of whether you’ve heard and read these passages before. Rather, do you trust what is said about you enough to take a risk and act on it in faith?

Here are some examples of some “gospel-texts”: Luke 15:11-32; Romans 3:19-28; 4:23-25; 5:1-6; Romans 8:31-39; Ephesians 1:3-2:10; Colossians 1:9-14.

Patiently reflect on these texts and honestly pray the passage back to God.

For example, having read Romans 4:23-5:2, “Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God,” I pray:

“Lord, you have justified me, you have given me the righteousness of Christ, yet I fear human disapproval. I try to deal with my insecurity by impressing people with my work. I fear my weakness will be exposed. Lord, drive this truth of your gospel deep into my heart and teach me how to trust you rather than protect myself. Help me see and question my hidden and habitual strategies to gain a sense of my own righteousness and likability from performing for people.”

In a similar way, ask God to make you aware of disconnects between the gospel and your daily reactions to life, as well as any emotions that are contrary to the gospel.

Questions to Reflect On

Here’s a list of questions that I use to help myself or friends become aware of “gospel disconnects.”

1. Do you tend to swing between feeling confident and feeling like a failure, depending on whether you are living up to your standards?

2. Is your prayer life mostly an anxious list of requests, mainly about getting control of your environment and relationships? How much of your prayer is praise and adoration of God Himself for his glorious gospel?

3. Do you ever get angry at God or yourself when circumstances in your life go wrong, believing that anyone who is good deserves a good life? This may reveal a tendency to see faithfulness to God as leverage.

4. Does your stress have to do with pleasing people, a fear of disapproval? Are you perhaps trying to control people’s perceptions? What does your reaction reveal about your level of present heart trust in the gospel?

5. Are you afraid to fail? Are you able to share your failures with friends and talk about sadness, anger, and fear?

6. When an aspect of your work is questioned, do you feel like your value as a person is questioned? Are you ever devastated or furious when you are criticized?
Is it essential for you to be thought of as a good person? Do you ever react defensively when this image of yourself is threatened?

These questions are not to reveal failures. They are to uncover places where the gospel is not actively functioning in your heart and motivations.

So, to become aware of yourself is to recognize a great opportunity for God’s deep and precious help, like money you didn’t know was in your account.

Start an Honest Conversation

I suggest that you also start a conversation with a Christian friend about your desire to become more emotionally self-aware and more aware of the power of the gospel in this regard. See if your friend would like to join in this reflection.

I’ve learned so much by saying this kind of stuff out loud to a friend and hearing how they process it. We can’t become self-aware alone. Prayer does a lot, but God has also chosen to work and heal us through friendship.

To develop trust in friendships takes time. When possible, I try to meet at least twice a month for at least an hour per meet-up. I never dreamed I’d be able to look back over the years and say I have a couple of friends with whom we’ve spent 500 hours discussing this wonderful gospel in such an honest and vulnerable way.